Sensations;

I got that feeling in the pit of my stomach today.
The one that I get when I drive over roadkill, or I lie to somebody I care about. I get that feeling when I turn corners too fast, without breaking and the car is suddenly heavy beneath my hands. When you know you're about to throw up but there's nowhere to run. Or when you drive by a cop car, and you know that you're going over the speed limit.

So I got that feeling and I'm not sure how to get rid of it.
I tried driving, with track 12 on repeat. But it worked until the song ended.
I was fine for 2 minutes and 43 seconds, but now the feeling has returned.
And I think, that this feeling can't be drowned with ice-cold water or neapolitan ice-cream, or even the milk chocolate chips that I found in the freezer the other day.

I feel as though I'm a weird version of Mary Poppins, I want to grab an umbrella and float through the wind to a new place, where I can just jump through chalk drawings and laugh on the ceiling of my uncle's house with Bert. Why don't I have a friend called Bert?

So unless I can find an umbrella with a scary amount of tassels, I will be stuck with this gnawing feeling for the rest of my days. Or at least until I wake up tomorrow.

Oh, and Blanche, if you read this; you're the first message, and the jealousy.
But I don't think you'll read this, and so my secret is safe for at least one more day.

<3